I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
