I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
