My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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