Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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