how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
