one two three fourrrrnication!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
