i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
