Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize