Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
