Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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