I'm lost and stupid without you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
