Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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