you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize