Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
