What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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