if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
