listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
