sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
