We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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