I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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