yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
