I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Randomize
