Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
