Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
