I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize