he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
