there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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