i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
