his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
cat food counts as protein by the way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
