somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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