I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
