she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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