dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
