Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Shame is for Republicans.
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