I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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