Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
