I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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