Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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