Don't make out with my wife yet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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