I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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