We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
