What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize