I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
