Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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