I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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