apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
home. puking in laundry basket.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Will exercising make me less horny?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
