So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
