haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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