I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
