she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
