new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
