you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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