Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
