I cockslap morals
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
