I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
