Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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