Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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