also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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