I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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