So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
