Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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