dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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