Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
