Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
