So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
