we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
