why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
