we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
