So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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