dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cannot find my penis.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
