when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
