[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
