I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
