just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
