mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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