I look better un-naked...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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