Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
