I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
