theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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