So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize