Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
