I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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