Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
