just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
