My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
