Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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