But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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