Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
