Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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