I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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