Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
