In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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